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Saturday, August 23, 2014

THE OCCUPATIONAL HAZARD OF UNDERTAKERS


There was a time several years before. It is three o’clock in the morning. I am driving my Cadillac, a symbol of hollow, empty status, aimlessly aware that I am going mad. I drive toward a place called Longcliffe. I knew this place because  my Grandfather died there. What I didn’t know was that he was there because of alcohol, not the garden variety of insanity. My plan was to turn myself in. The Gothic towers and spires of the century old hospital were superimposed against a full moon. My repeated thought was: If I go in there they will never let me out. They will keep me there and never let me go.

Day is night and night is day. Time warps. I don't know how long I have been drinking. A week. A year. Multiples of years? There are five liquor stores in town. I buy a bottle each night and on Friday night I get the weekend supply, hoping to make it until Sunday morning without guzzling both liters and running out on Sunday. I passed out on a sofa in the Elks club. I drove so drunk I had to shut one eye to identify the three yellow lines on the center of the road. I awaken, dressed in a suit and slumped on a couch.  The room is filled with surreal half light.  I don't know if it is twilight or dawn.  How long have I been out?  My world shrinks and becomes infinitely smaller. I am still untouchable enough that I am allowed by the local law to proceed through town at 15 miles an hour, hugging the center line and with the windows open in order to get enough fresh air to avoid passing out.
I did pass out. On a cement garage floor. On the winter night I ran out of Gin and hope  I closed the door of the garage and turned the ignition switch on a brand new Mercury station wagon. I came back to my private Hell staring at the ceiling of the hospital emergency room. My first words were; My God, I have fucked this up too.  And on to a padded ward and Nurse Ratched.
Suicide is a very selfish act.
 .............with each broken shoelace out of one hundred broken shoelaces, one man, one woman, one thing enters a madhouse./bukowski

Thursday, August 14, 2014

ELECTRIC SHOCK


The worst part is conciseness. I am not really conscience, only perhaps half there. And I don’t know where or what there is.
I am slowly aware of the other zombies around me in varying stages of slow movement. They and the entire area seem to be surrounded by and permeated in a thick opaque whitish fog.
The forms start to morph into male zombies and female zombies. I knew by their clothing. I know, but don’t know how I know. They--and I are in various stages of becoming alive.
Some are still lying on gurneys, immobile, unconscious.

I don’t remember at this time that I was lying on a gurney on top of several hospital sheets. I was surrounded by medical personal. Busy. They are working quickly now. A needle is inserted into a vein in my arm. Electrodes are being prepared. Patches on my head and temples are swabbed with a coldish jell. A large syringe is fastened into the needle in my arm. They want me to count backward from ten. I never make it past seven. My last conscious memory is of the sheets being quickly folded over my legs and a rubber block placed in my mouth so I don’t chew or swallow my tongue or break my teeth when I convulse.
For several days I am only a semi-zombie and gradually life calms, the depression is defined and recedes, and slowly I begin to feel better. It took six or eight of these to get me onto a level playing field.

Monday, July 21, 2014

THOUGHTS ON THE POWER OF TURKEY AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

I woke up at 4 o'clock.  I could feel her softness and warmth and knew she was sleeping next to my head.  I stirred an hour later and knew she was gone.  She had silently hopped over the side of the bed and returned to her kill.  Kill in this case was a plate of turkey which I had put out for her the night before.  Sleeping next to my head was her thanks to me for the treat.
Termie, my cat, loves turkey.  Even more than she loves tuna.  I have a theory that since she was about half feral when I got her, she had eaten out of dumpsters.  People serve a huge turkey every Thanksgiving and Christmas, no longer remembering the original reason. The remains go into the dumpster and this was Termie's big meal.

My cat, Termie AKA Fishbreath or Dumass, had been terribly abused when I got her at Maxfund my pet no kill pet shelter.  This abuse made her angry and not trusting of anyone.  Believe me I understand the feeling.  Her full name is LaTerminista.  It translates out to something like The Terminator.

It took me two years to gentle that cat.  If I went to pet her she would shred flesh to the elbow.  Today she is a gentle, docile pet with the same fondness for turkey.  Unless I try to pick up her dish.  I can come in at any time, in any shape and she will greet me and rub against me.  She will never say "I smell another cat on you!"

I have become a cat lover.  Dogs are OK but they tend to roll around in their own excrement.

On the other hand, I have never seen a geranium cough up a hairball.




















Sunday, December 8, 2013

RECEIVED IN GRACELAND

Tonight's guest writer is my son, Jeff, who is a good writer and who is getting better at calling.  This is something I love that he wrote in 1999.


Received in Graceland
From the Wild West
8 October 1999
by Jeff Wenger

What to do with that nearly-free airline trip when you just have 24 hours and you’ve missed the flight to New Orleans? Go a little further up the Mississippi River to Memphis, Tennessee and the home of the King of Rock and Roll.
A pilgrimage then to Graceland, the home of Elvis Presley, to see what it says of America.

MEMPHIS – As the line between ironic participation and my real life continues to blur, I found that Graceland wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be and it wasn’t as good as I thought it would be. It was just alright, or, as Elvis himself was wont to say, it’s alright, Mama.
There were, of course, certain expectations going in. For example, I expected there to be many large women in spandex sobbing at his graveside. There were just a couple.
Actually, the crowd was not only a pretty respectable lot, but diverse – people drawn from NBC’s demographic and that of CBS (by which I mean the young and old); people in T-shirts and people in business attire; black people and white people. In addition to the many Americans, there were Chinese and Japanese, German lads and a Czech couple, and two white South Africans who were indeed choked up by the end of the tour.
The young Elvis purchased Graceland in the late 50s, when he was just hitting it big. It had belonged to a doctor and was named after the doctor’s wife, Grace. Elvis liked the name and kept it. A tall fence and wrought iron gate separated the hills and trees and manse of Graceland from the real world outside.
Yet, as the homes of the rich-and-famous go, Graceland disappoints. The home itself isn’t that large. It’s a big house, to be sure, but it’s not a palatial as you might expect the domicile of the King of Rock and Roll to be. Ernest Hemingway’s place in Key West, Florida, by contrast, is bigger and more stately.
Graceland, is like, well, a doctor’s big house. It has a basement and two stories. I mean, come on – I have friends with houses that big.
The lot upon which Graceland rests is big, until you remember that Elvis and his pals used to race golf carts around while brandishing firearms and hey, its not that big.

But it is through the front doors where Graceland really makes an impression. The word “timeless” doesn’t come to mind when confronted with the King’s thick green shag carpet and poly-vinyl curtains so stiff as to be formed apparently from Tupperware. Indeed, not timeless at all, but very specifically at a moment in time – I’m guessing, March 28, 1973, around 3:30 in the afternoon.
Elvis’ décor had a shelf-life shorter than potato salad at a picnic. Graceland is one part Playboy mansion, one part suburban dream home, and one part trailer.
The shag carpet, the dark wood paneling, the mirrors, the esoteric curves in the design of practically everything, the veneer covered stereo hi-fis, the glass fruit – the home of the King of Rock and Roll looks like it was furnished from a thrift store.
Fondue sets and bell bottoms (which seemed rightly consigned to the dustbin of history until just a few years ago) have their roots in the late 60s and early 70s when the counter-culture went to the suburbs and became the culture.
Shag carpet on the walls of the “rec room” was too cool for school back then, and Elvis died before he could come to his senses and hire an interior decorator.
This then may be the key to understanding Elvis and America: Elvis lived like everybody else – only more so.
In other words, if you were to give ridiculous wealth and celebrity to most of my relatives, or most of my wife’s relatives, or most of your relatives, they would piddle it away on fast cars and whiskey and guns and drugs and women. They’d put in a swimming pool and a pool table. They’d give jobs to every wheedling grade-school buddy and every lazy relative, paying them many times what they were worth. And they’d put shag carpet on the walls if they darn well wanted to.
This may be the strongest argument yet for communism.

Graceland is a snapshot of America at its apex. No nation on earth has ever been as wealthy as was the United States from 1946-1973. That prestige and affluence was largely spent redoing kitchens in orange and avocado.
Unnervingly, the 70s wash over the Graceland visitor. It is historically significant, but also personal. Because the cheesy furnishings are so accessible and familiar, Graceland is a snapshot of my childhood only without my old man passed out in the La-Z-Boy and mom’s unfortunate perms.
There is more to Elvis and America than wretched excess, however. There is an appeal that is at once universal and undeniable. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like at least one Elvis song. This appeal helped to build bridges.
When Elvis was first being played on the radio, white people thought he was black. Black people knew that he was white, but thought here was a white guy who gets it. Today, Elvis songs are standard fare on the radio and karaoke discs from Manila to Montpelier. It turns out that, not only did Elvis get it, but everybody gets Elvis.
If we accept that Kid Rock is today’s bridge between black and white, we are in worse trouble than previously supposed.
Elvis was the whole package. He was sexy, but cute, benign and sensitive. (During a press conference following his discharge from the Army, he was clever in his appeal to both bobby-soxers and their mothers. Only now, 40 years later, has Ricky Martin – who can’t hold a candle to Elvis – duplicated anything like it.) Elvis was rebellious, but also blue collar and establishmentarian. (He was, after all, photographed with Nixon.) He played State Fairs and Vegas; he was a little bit country, a little bit rock and roll.
And in the end, he was beloved by millions, but lonely and alone. He was the King of Rock and Roll, but ignominiously died of a heart attack on the crapper. Like anybody could.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

THANKSGIVING 1953

When I was coming up on the family farm in Bindweed County,
Indiana, Thanksgiving would be an occasion for hunting.  My father, and on occasion, with my uncles would go out into the fields and see if they could get a rabbit.  Usually they did.
This was before deer and other larger game had worked their way that far south.  On other occasions my father would pick up his ancient 12 gauge shotgun and announce that he was going to go out and 'scare up a rabbit'.  He almost
always did.  The rabbits took shelter and foraged in the rows of corn that had been picked in the previous fall.  The old man could pick off a running rabbit with a .22 but the shotgun meant business.  A rabbit wouldn't run until you were right on top of him.  Then the rabbit would leap into the air and run at amazing speed, twisting and bobbing in and out of the rows of tangled cornstalks.  Their mottled gray sides and white tails blending in with the skiff of snow that is always present in Norhern Indiana winters.

Blam!  And it was all over.  The rabbit would tumble head over feet.  The old man would walk to the house carrying one or two rabbits in his game pouch.  He would nail their feet to the side of the woodshed and skin and gut them.  

My mother whose limited culinary skills were hampered by a primitive wood fueled cook stove would cut them up, roll them in flour and fry them in lard.  Sometimes the blast from the shotgun would shatter the bones of the game and there would be sharp pieces of bone sticking up.  At times I would have to pick pieces of shot out of the meat.  Amazingly, there are members of my family who have lived up into their 90's.

We never had turkey.  Our Thanksgiving dinner was fried rabbit.  Also it was our dinner almost every night for a couple of winters.
It wasn't that we went hungry but neither did we feast.  We were grateful for what we had and our carbon footprint was small.  But the thought of fried rabbit (or any other kind) to this day is repugnant to me.


I am thankful today for the Federal school hot lunch program.




Thursday, November 28, 2013

GOING OUT WITH A BANG

It was in the springtime of my 67th year.  April 29th, it was.  I was homeward bound and walked up to the bus stop at 15th and Stout in Denver just in time to see the #44 bus pull away.  
I now have a half hour wait for the next bus.  The stop at 15th & Stout is a major bus stop in Denver.  A little sketchy but not scarey although it seems to be well located for a drive by shooting.   So I plop down on the cleanest bench to wait.  Being a friendly sort I turned to the young woman beside me and made some brilliant comment about how great it was to be alive at midday on a perfect spring day.  I did not suspect that it was to become much greater.
We chatted.   She was dressed casual cotton, Target, T J Maxx.  She said her name was Toni and that she was waiting on the #38 bus.  She was a woman of color---the color of coffee with one cream.   She said she was 26 and I didn't think she was lying too much.  As we talked the #38 pulled up, loaded, and pulled away without her.  I thought it was strange but I was enjoying her company.  Shortly thereafter my bus, the #44, pulled up.  As I got up and boarded she followed me into the bus and sat next to me.  I am thinking that I don't know where this is going but I am going to go with it.
It went into my living room and onto my sofa.  And then to the floor. 

I will die a happy man. 



THE SHADOW SAYS: THIS IS INDEED A DAY TO GIVE THANKS


Tuesday, November 19, 2013


I have slept in a suite in the Royal Hawaiian Hotel in Honolulu and I have slept in a flophouse on Larimer Street in Denver.
The Royal Hawaiian smells better.