I have had a hard year, physically,
and emotionally. It has been marked by loss, illness, betrayal
and self doubt. I am slowly pulling out
of it. I have a strong constitution and do plan to be around for some time.
I
am writing this post and will probably publish it tomorrow, the day before I
report for yet more surgery on Monday, July 23, 2012. It is nothing as dramatic as brain surgery or
open heart surgery. It is only that my much
battered and overused plumbing is shot and badly in need of repair. There are risks, as there are risks in
crossing the street. When your time is
up, your time is up. It is, of course,
possible that this will be my last post.
I hope not and do not plan for it to be.
I’ve got some zingers waiting in the wings but I don’t want to drop the
whole load at once. But for sure, as it
says in my profile, “There are many songs that will not be sung.”
Fear,
yes. I have had enough pain and do not
want any more. Not to mention the
indignity of it all. I am thankful that
I do not plan to go into this hungover and dehydrated. One of the many benefits of my sobriety. I have had an appointment with each of my
therapists this week. I am engaging in
prayer and meditation and rest so as to be as physically, spiritually and
emotionally fit as possible. When I go
in I will have done as much as I can do.
It will no longer be in my hands.
I
know I have not been totally forthcoming in my writings. My writing has been pretty well
controlled. It is just my style. I have written some thinly veiled stories but
have, in the most part, not used real names out of respect for both the living
and the dead and in some cases, my own mortal ass.
There
are things I am not, at this point, able to talk about because they are too
horrible to comprehend or just too embarrassing. I believe we all take secrets to the
grave.
I
have had fun using the nom de plume of The Shadow. It was just something I
pulled out of my ear and thought “why not”.
I will probably use my own name someday.
I have no problem with that. I am certainly not ashamed of it.
I
have always thought that the two worse things that could happen would be to
lose a child or to lose my eyesight. I
have buried a child and now I am going blind.
Glaucoma that was not attended to until it was almost too late because I
thought only black people got glaucoma. So
much for thinking. It is a slow process
and the Doctor says I will probably die before I am completely blind. Always
something to look forward to. My left
eye is almost gone and I am having a difficult time using the computer. Just so you know.
THE
SHADOW
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