NEEDING

To spend another evening

With an ungrateful

                                                Cat

I think not

To go back and get what you want

                No

                                Need

Denying the denial that you have need

For anyone

So beautiful

And unexpectedly vulnerable

Making the situation all the more delightful

                Caffeine

                Nicotine

                Prayer

Barely masking inherent lust

Cautious

Establishing trust

Searching for the dishonesty

Having been burned

Winning points for being gentle with el gato

I watch for small things

Small feelings of liking over shared food

When blessed fate propels you into my kitchen

And my long unshared bed

                II

     Ambivalent heart

                Pounding

As to break the very ribs that bind and protect

And jump free as its own entity

Run away frightened heart

An alien in an alien land

Dark hair on a golden body

So beautiful

Eager desperate embrace

Needing to hold and to be held

Cursing the damned guilt for ever having

Such a need

Why guilt for needing to be loved

And I

Who reconciled long ago

But remember before

The first scab of healing had begun

Respect the boundaries

Even as they close before me

And sometimes

Question the future

Of gentlemanly behavior

As I scratch through the litterbox of my life

I wonder

Did you run away

                                           for: l t